He’s Not a Martian
Here in the states, all money — both coins and bills — have famous figures on them. The penny and five dollar bill both feature Abraham Lincoln, but this girl didn’t understand something super basic about him.
This is honestly hilarious, because students spend so much time studying Abraham Lincoln in school! Sure, the photos are in black and white, but it’s pretty clear what he looks like, and he’s neither copper brown nor green.
Snakes After Sunset
Just about every child around the world learns how to play the recorder. Why? We’re not sure. It’s probably some big conspiracy among music teachers to get revenge on bad parents by giving their kids obnoxious instruments.
Anyone reading this who has had to listen to someone practicing the recorder knows what was really going on here — mom was sick and tired of listening to that wretched instrument and wanted an excuse to get some peace and quiet without hurting her kid’s feelings!
Always Wash Your Feet
A lot of people think that just letting the hot soapy water that they use on the rest of their body run over their feet in the shower is enough to get them clean. But, that’s not really the case — you need to separately scrub your tootsies, too.
However, no one out there thinks you wash them by sticking them in a filthy toilet bowl. Perhaps this person didn’t have access to a shower or bathtub in the past and this was the best they could do?
No Cleaning Skills
There are different kinds of intelligence, and someone having a bunch of advanced degrees doesn’t necessarily mean they have a lot of knowledge when it comes to other things — like good cleaning habits.
Knowing several languages doesn’t really matter if no one taught you how to properly clean a bathroom in any of those languages! She probably always had people who did it for her in the past, which led to this awkward and silly occurrence.
Trapped in an Elevator
Most of us use elevators on a frequent basis, and we never really think about what could go wrong. And while breakdowns are rare, they do happen, leading to people being stuck in the elevator until someone rescues them or gets it running again.
This silly person, however, wasn’t actually stuck at all — they were just not in a very bright state of mind. It’s a funny story to tell, but we also can’t really blame her rescuers for being annoyed!
Sorry, Try Again
If there’s anything people love, it’s sweepstakes. The excitement of opening a bottle of Coca-Cola or tearing the Monopoly square off a packet of McDonald’s fries has no other comparison.
If the coworker’s son was like five or six years old, then this is really silly and cute. If his son was like 27, however, then this is very cringy. We wouldn’t put magically changing bottle caps past Coca-Cola’s marketing team, though.
Add Water to Ramen
We tend to think of microwaves as these magical, all-powerful machines. Stick whatever you want in there and it will come out perfect and delicious — that is, if you actually follow the instructions.
What this tells us is that companies can just save the ink they use to print the instructions on packages because no one actually bothers to read them! Hopefully, this happened in a college dorm or something, where people are young and inexperienced at adulting.
That’s Not How Evolution Works
Evolution is the process of species adapting and evolving to their environment over a long period of time. It’s why humans these days aren’t Neanderthals, and why some elephants are losing their tusks.
What did this silly girl expect, exactly? To sit on a park bench one day and watch a duckling magically grow bigger wings or a sharper beak? To be fair, that would be a pretty cool thing to witness.
That’s Not Helium
Have you ever thought about how many things we grow up doing but we don’t really think about how they’re possible or what causes them? A good example is inhaling the air from those big shiny birthday balloons.
A lot of people know that it’s the helium that changes your voice, but not everyone is aware, apparently. If he had thought this through, he would have realized how silly and ridiculous it was.
No Metal in Microwaves
Everyone knows that you should never, ever put aluminum foil or anything metal in a microwave. Well… almost everyone. This girl apparently did not know that, and didn’t bother to learn even after destroying multiple microwaves.
We have so many questions here — mainly, why on earth was the Dr. Pepper frozen? It can’t possibly taste good that way. Microwaves aren’t cheap, so it sounds like that mom gave her son good advice.
Giving Up on Kool-Aid
What is it about Kool-Aid that’s so delicious? It’s so satisfying to tear open those little packets of flavored powder and mix it up into a delicious, albeit probably unhealthy juice. This sister didn’t get that satisfaction, though.
Why would she not have stopped and thought about just dumping it all into another container? Had this girl never watched one of her parents make Kool-Aid before? We don’t even want to think about her attempting to actually cook something.
Baffled by a Mirror
You learn a lot of cool things about how the world works in science classes, like how light helps us see color or how things like mirrors and convection work. The problem is that most students tune out while at school.
What the first silly situation tells us is that her brother didn’t pay attention in science class. What the second tells us is that he doesn’t understand what an emergency actually is. Both are pretty worrying.
Then It’s Done Sooner
Children are so used to adults doing things for them that they often don’t need to think through how things work. That rings especially true for microwaves. Almost every child has made some sort of silly mistake when using a microwave, including this kid.
This “logic” is severely messed up. Does she also leave the theater 15 minutes before the movie ends because then it’s “done sooner” and get mad when the ending wasn’t satisfying because it wasn’t actually the ending?
Literally Throwing Away Money
Coins can be kind of annoying. They weigh down your wallet because they’re heavy, and they also make it really bulky. But they serve a purpose, and getting rid of them just doesn’t make any sense.
There are two kinds of people in the world — people who literally throw money away like this, and people who pick up every coin they see on the ground and save them all in a big jar. Which kind is the silly one, we ask? It’s pretty clear.
No Gas Top-Ups
Most of us eventually learn to drive a car — although we understand very little about how said car actually functions. Still, at least we understand the idea of filling up a gas tank. Not this girl, though.
Does she also refuse to go refill her cup of water she’s drinking before she finishes it because it “wastes” the water already in the cup? Because it’s the same idea, and it’s equally as silly and ridiculous.
It’s worrying how many of these silly stories involve microwaves and improperly preparing food in them. People can’t seem to comprehend that there are heating instructions for a reason. This girl is another one of those people.
She didn’t even improperly heat something, though — she literally didn’t heat it at all, as in she didn’t even turn on the microwave. Does she think the heat is just always running inside?
South Pole Elves
Girls’ bathrooms in public places are like a jungle. Sometimes, you’ll run across nice girls who compliment you and become temporary best friends. Other times, you’ll find angry or bitter girls, like the one this person ran across.
This is hilarious, and if the girl was still angry after hearing that, then she really needs some help controlling her emotions. Clearly, the tweeter had watched Elf recently and was feeling as chipper as Buddy the Elf.
Beware the Bagel Hole
There’s something about bagels that just hits differently than regular bread. Maybe it’s the density, or maybe it’s the fact that it’s socially acceptable to smother them in cream cheese. It also could be that they look more like donuts.
We’re not sure why bagels have holes, but it’s pretty clear it’s not to hold them while slicing them in half! That silly friend clearly wasn’t thinking about what they were doing. We do dumb things when we’re hungry!
Not a Mr. Chicken
If you’ve never worked at a fast-food restaurant, you may not be aware that the menu items are usually abbreviated in the system for sake of ease. This girlfriend clearly didn’t know that, which led to this silly comment.
M R clearly stands for Monterey Ranch. The best part of this situation is that the worker got a laugh out of it, because working at fast-food restaurants can be exhausting and frustrating. They need the laughs.
Butter Can’t Melt
Butter is seriously one of the best foods. It makes toast soft and delicious. It makes any recipe richer. Sure, you’ve got to be careful since it’s fatty, but it’s usually worth it.
Had this roommate never put butter on a really hot piece of toast before? You literally watch it melt right before your eyes! And we aren’t even going to comment on how silly it is to think that India is in South America.
Dish Soap and Rice
One of the eternal food debates is whether you should or shouldn’t wash your rice before you cook it. Most signs point to yes, but there are still the stubborn few that insist that you shouldn’t.
However, both parties could probably agree that washing your rice does not mean washing it with dish soap! It just means rinsing it. We aren’t sure exactly how ingesting dish soap would go, but we doubt it would be pretty.
Just Buy Another iPad
Forgetting passwords is really annoying. Most of us have a few go-to passwords that we use for everything, and the process of resetting them when we forget one is tedious and time-consuming.
If you’re like this guy, though, why not just throw the whole thing out? Sure, you’ll still need your email password to log in on the new iPad, but that’s a problem for your future self. This goes beyond silly and crosses into ridiculous.
Mommy Has a Meeting
TPing a house — a.k.a. the act of buying a bunch of toilet paper and proceeding to cover someone else’s property with it — is something we all see in movies but rarely actually do in real life. This mom didn’t let that stop her.
Those neighbors are either really close and did it as a fun joke, or they really can’t stand that one particular neighbor and wanted to make their day a little bit worse.
A Whole New Set
Let’s be real — there are very few people in the world who genuinely enjoy washing the dishes. It’s a never-ending chore; you finish them and suddenly five more cups appear out of thin air.
That doesn’t mean that we should just throw them away, though, and it’s shocking that her parents actually encouraged this behavior instead of telling her to grow up. This is spoiled and lazy at its finest (or worst).
Transfer the Heat
As we’ve already established previously in this list, metal and microwaves do not mix well. In fact, they don’t mix at all. The metal can deflect the heat waves and can bounce them around, damaging the microwave or even causing a fire.
To be fair, her instructions weren’t very clear. “Poke a bunch of holes in the potato with a fork” is very different from “stick forks in them and bake,” so anyone who wasn’t really thinking it through could have made the same silly mistake that they did.
Throw Out the Toaster
People do some really unwise things with toasters. They try to use them to make sandwiches, getting melted cheese all inside, and they turn the heat up so high that their bread nearly catches on fire. Or they just don’t know how to use them at all.
Ummm…. isn’t drying it out literally what toasters are for? The whole point of them is to scorch the bread a bit so that it gets firm and you can slather it in butter or jam. Their roommate just didn’t understand the principles of toast.
Magic Water-Making Refrigerator
It’s disturbing how little people understand about the major appliances in their homes. There are those who don’t know how to clean the filters in their dishwasher, and those who think fridges magically make water out of thin air.
If she didn’t understand that the ice inside was the ice that comes out, where did she think the ice came from? The magic ice fairies who visit the fridge every time you push the dispenser button?
Straight From the Freezer
Totino’s Pizza Rolls are a snack that most people enjoy. They’re not just for broke college kids, although some like to think that. But, even broke college kids know that you have to cook them.
Sure, maybe you can do this with frozen peas or bananas, but you absolutely should not do it with frozen prepackaged food. Their roommate must have had an iron stomach — that, or they got stomach aches a lot and probably wondered why.
Charge it With Bluetooth
Now, it’s pretty common knowledge that most of us use Bluetooth yet we have no idea how it actually works. However, we know that it’s to do with transferring data, not charging.
This person’s sister didn’t know that, though. It seems they thought Bluetooth is a way to magically play music and charge your speaker at the same time. She must have been very confused as to why it came with a charging cable in the first place.
Breaded From the Ocean
The problem with food coming in convenient jars and boxes nowadays is that most people have absolutely no idea what they’re actually eating. That food all has to come from somewhere and be prepared by someone — except for shrimp, that is.
Breaded shrimp are a special species of shrimp that grow on the ocean floors, just waiting for the day a human comes along and plucks them to have for dinner (if only it were actually that simple).
Some Nasty Spaghetti
Most of the packaging that pre-made food comes in is meant to be exactly that — packaging. It’s not meant to be used to heat the item, but it doesn’t stop some people from trying.
This sounds like something that someone who desperately wants to avoid washing the dishes would do. Sure, you can avoid dirtying the pan with sauce, but what do you do when you’re picking broken glass out of your teeth?
Just Make New Bangs
99% of the time, cutting your own bangs is not a good idea, yet 99% of girls will try to do it anyway. It hardly ever goes well and is something hairdressers frequently have to fix.
We suppose that if this was done well, then it’s actually a clever solution to the problem. However, odds are she’ll cut the new bangs crooked, too — meaning she has both crooked bangs and weird growth.
Life Without Hands
Humans don’t realize how much they use their hands and fingers until something happens where they can’t anymore, like an injury. Hands are incredibly useful tools that we definitely take for granted.
Sure — it’s a shame that parakeets don’t have hands, but we doubt they’re aware of their disadvantage, and they probably feel the same way about us not having a beak. So, we’re even. Plus, they can fly, which is pretty dang cool.
Bubbles Are Just Water
There’s no better feeling than getting all lathered up in soap bubbles in the shower and knowing you’re getting squeaky clean. You’re supposed to rinse them off completely with water, though.
Imagine getting mad at someone telling you that you still had soap all over you instead of just listening to them. This is so silly and he was probably super itchy all the time and didn’t understand why!
Never Too Much Bacon
There’s no such thing as too much bacon. Sure, doctors may tell you that there is — but don’t listen to them. Bacon is delicious and deserves to be consumed frequently, unless of course, you’re a vegetarian or vegan.
Why didn’t she just, um, open the sandwich and pick off some of the bacon? The advantage of a sandwich, after all, is that it’s pretty easy to remove ingredients. What a waste of a sandwich.
Melted Cup Beans
It’s pretty common knowledge that plastic shouldn’t be heated at high temperatures because it’ll melt. That didn’t stop this college student from trying to do it anyway, though, using several red Solo cups.
We all know that red Solo cups are useful, but they’re not that useful, and eating the beans with melting plastic is plain disgusting and definitely bad for your health. She must have really wanted those beans.
Returning a Frozen Meal
Grocery stores are amazing due to the sheer amount of choices you have, but this means that people often end up buying things that they have no idea how to cook. That’s when most people would think to read the instructions.
It’s amazing that it didn’t occur to her to just microwave the meal for longer until it wasn’t cold anymore. What does she do with non-frozen meals if they don’t heat up all the way — throw them out?
Just Change the Bag
Sure, reading the owner’s manual for things may feel like a waste of time, but they exist for a reason. They explain how the item works and help solve any problems you may run into — like your vacuum cleaner bag filling up.
It’s really sad and lazy that his first instinct was to buy a new vacuum instead of reading the manual or googling what to do. How many good vacuums had to suffer due to his negligence? Likely far too many.
Pizza Isn’t for Squares
Another of life’s eternal debates is whether grilled cheese sandwiches should be cut into triangles or squares. Sure, it tastes the same, but most people truly believe that one form is far superior to the other.
When it comes to pizza, the pieces are usually triangular — but squares can work, too. We hate to break it to you, girl, but it’s the exact same pizza. It has the same flavor, it just looks a bit different.
Eternal Baby Chinchilla
When we save contacts into our phones, most of us go the boring route and just put the person’s first and last name. But, did you know that you can use any naming system you want?
This person decided to go with spirit animals, but unfortunately couldn’t remember which animal represented which person, making it a pretty silly system. At least they tried to be creative, which is more than most of us can say.
Italian Isn’t a Language
Italy is such a beautiful country. It’s gifted the world with delicious food, incredible people, and the beautiful Italian language. But, there are some naysayers out there who don’t actually think Italian exists.
This poor girl doesn’t understand the difference between culture and language, and that’s pretty dang silly. Lots of immigrant families lose their language, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist!
Red’s an Ugly Color
Every liquid substance has a boiling point, and for water, it’s 100°F. That’s why you need to use high heat to boil water in order to cook, but this girl didn’t seem to know that.
Someone definitely wasn’t paying attention in science class when the teacher taught about boiling points. No matter how long she leaves that pot on, that water isn’t going to boil. We wonder how long it took her to realize that.
Proper Contact Lens Care
It’s easy to get lazy with contact lens care if you wear them every day, but considering they literally go on your eyeball, it’s really important to store and clean them properly, and that doesn’t mean putting them in a drinking glass.
The worrying thing about this is that it sounds like their contact lenses were in a cup of water, and one should never, ever “clean” or store their lenses in tap water. So, it’s doubly disgusting.
Disposable Lint Rollers
Lint rollers are pretty nifty. They help us clean all those little bits off our clothes when nothing else seems to work, and when they lose their stickiness, you just peel the layer off and move on to the next!
It’s hard to believe that there are people out there who don’t know that you can do that. Why did they think that the roller part was so thick? That it’s just one really thick sheet of sticky paper?
There Were Definitely Tears
When a shampoo claims to be “no tears,” what that means is that should a bit of water with a minuscule amount of shampoo drip into one’s eyes, it won’t burn.
It doesn’t mean you should take a handful of straight shampoo and rub it into your eyes! Doing that with just about anything would make you cry. Why would this person want to torture themselves like that? It’s the definition of silly.
40+ Women Are Sharing the Worst Dating App Fails That They’ve Experienced, & They’re So Bad
A Weird Way of Mourning
Losing a beloved pet is one of the most difficult things animal lovers can go through. Although they can’t speak to us, pets become a member of our family, brightening our days and our lives — until one day, they’re gone.
What on Earth made him think that sending this message, especially nearly half a day later, was appropriate? It just shows that he was never actually serious about building a connection with the person he’s messaging. Bet he received a swift block.
A Little Too Honest
Creating your bio on a dating app is intimidating. You have to try to sum up what makes you interesting in a very small amount of words, and also make it unique enough that you stand out amongst the thousands of people doing the same thing.
Some people take more…creative approaches, and we have to say, it did not pay off here. Calling yourself white trash is already enough to make girls cringe, but that pick-up line scores a -1/10 on our quality scale.
An Old Acquaintance
Most phone number exchanges have an expiration date. If the people don’t contact each other within a certain amount of time or the conversation dies off for too long, that’s the end of things… usually.
Not if you’re this guy, though. Sounds like he wasn’t all there the last time they saw each other. Never, ever ask someone to be your backup plan. No one appreciates being a backup.
The Most Creative Rejection
Some people seem to think that the term “dating app” actually means “hookup app,” and try to use it as such. What they don’t realize is that propositioning random people on an app rarely, if ever, works. Still, they keep trying.
If you don’t have a sense of humor about these unwanted messages, they can drive you crazy. So instead, some people are getting creative with their rejections, like this girl. It’s like a great anti-pick-up line.
An Irrelevant Simile
People have different preferences when it comes to dating. Some like tall people, others prefer someone shorter than them. Then, there are those that have preferences when it comes to age, like preferring someone older — or in this case, younger.
“Most of you will swipe left” sounds like those silly viral Facebook posts that say something like, “Most people will just scroll past this instead of sharing.” It doesn’t work on Facebook and it won’t work for you, Pete.
Heartbroken & Lacking Security
While some people say that honesty is the best policy, they also say all things in moderation — and that applies to honesty, too. You don’t want to be dishonest in your dating bio, but you don’t want to intentionally make yourself sound bad either.
He might have found someone sympathetic to his sad situation, until he added the last line. It’s gross and fetishizing, and we doubt anyone would swipe right after reading this kind of bio.
Time to Move On
Most of us probably didn’t anticipate living through a global pandemic and are happy to finally start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Some have seen that light sooner than others, however, which can cause some uncomfortable moments.
Instead of just respecting the fact that she doesn’t feel comfortable, he pushed and then criticized her worries, throwing in a sarcastic “sweetie” at the end. It’s not exactly the best way to convince someone to hang out.
A Clever Comeback
Women on dating apps receive all sorts of creepy messages, and oftentimes, they’re within the first few messages exchanged with a new match. It can be really frustrating when trying to find genuine connections.
We commend this girl for responding with a very clever comeback that politely tells Tanner, “Go away, not interested.” Who sends something like this as their very first message to a match? Not someone who has a very high success rate, clearly. Better luck on the next match, Tanner.
Perfectly Reasonable Demand
The internet is great in that it gives us the opportunity to make connections with people that we may have never met otherwise. Still, with the anonymity of the internet comes potential danger, so women need to be extra careful.
If he wasn’t a creeper, he wouldn’t be so worried about how perfectly normal it is to want to meet someone in public the first time you’re meeting them. The fact that he feels uncomfortable makes us think he’s got something to hide!
Meetup or Hookup?
Anyone on a dating app who asks if a girl does meetups is actually asking if she’s willing to hook up with a random person. Considering that it’s a dating app, the answer from most girls is no.
The follow-up message here was completely unnecessary. How is someone even supposed to respond to that when they already made it clear they didn’t want to meet up? It does nothing aside from making the woman uncomfortable.
Someone Is a Woman Hater
Some guys seem to really have it out for women. Maybe they’ve been scorned in the past, or perhaps they’ve just been really unlucky. Whatever it is, though, it makes them feel the need to lash out and blame their misfortune on others.
This “About Me” makes it really hard to believe that the guy is a “good, kind-hearted man.” It sounds like he’s someone who has convinced himself he’s a nice guy, and nothing is ever his fault.
I’m Hot in Person
Remember when parents would tell their little girls that the boy on the playground is picking on them because he likes them? Well, it’s not true — but some of those little boys grew up to believe insults were the way to a girl’s heart.
Her response was a little petty, but to be fair, there’s no way he thought that opening message was a good idea. Blonde girls are sick and tired of being mocked for being blonde. It’s a joke that should have been retired a long, long time ago.
Poured His Heart Out
Some people think size matters when it comes to the bedroom, and others find other things more important. But, one thing’s for sure — guys feel a lot of pressure to be a certain size, and so, many lie or exaggerate.
It’d be nice to know what other messages he sent, because going on about his size doesn’t really count as pouring his heart out. It’s more like attempting to brag and failing. We don’t see how that’s romantic nor a true connection.
I Had a Girlfriend
There’s a seedy side of dating apps, where people who are already in a relationship attempt to find someone to see on the side. Sometimes, the other girl/guy never finds out — but other times, they do.
One has to wonder how much time had passed between his time with Jessica and this message, and whether or not he’s still with the girlfriend. We aren’t sure how telling her all this time later equates to respecting your girlfriend.
Disqualified From Many Women
There are a lot of stereotypes floating around about what women want in a partner. A lot of guys seem convinced that women only go for emotionally abusive “bad boys,” and that that’s why they haven’t had any luck in dating.
Has this guy considered that maybe he’s the problem here? He refuses to recognize a global pandemic, he doesn’t know what he’s looking for, and he already has kids. It sounds like he comes with baggage.
Compliment or Not
Some guys seem to have really nailed down how to give backhanded compliments. These are compliments that aren’t really compliments, but rather thinly-veiled insults. Take Clayton here as a good example of what not to say.
We aren’t even sure what his goal is here. He says something weird, then something rude, and then is surprised when the girl is fed up. How is “half a compliment” a good thing? And then, he gives another backhanded compliment. Talk about mixed signals!
Tales of a Drama Queen
Men like to pretend that women are dramatic and difficult to understand, but women are no more so than men. Many men throw fits, lash out, and struggle to control their emotions. Society is partly to blame for that.
This guy is a great example. Using an overdramatic message just to get someone to respond to you instead of genuinely trying to start an interesting conversation is pretty sad. Hopefully, she didn’t bother responding to his last message.
We Vibin’ Baby
We all come with baggage. There isn’t a single person out there who doesn’t have some sort of bad past relationship, physical ailment, or emotional ailment that they bring to a relationship. What matters is how we handle ourselves.
This is a lot of baggage that raises quite a few questions. There’s nothing wrong with some of it, but a potential mate is definitely going to want to know why two exes have filed police reports against them. Also, crystal therapy? Really?
I Can Wear a Mask
It’s pretty common for women to be propositioned on dating apps. While it can be annoying when someone is looking for an actual partner, there’s nothing wrong if a woman decides she’s actually interested in the proposition.
It sounds like she may have been here, but she was understandably nervous about the pandemic. We have to admit that his response was pretty funny and can’t help but wonder if she agreed that the mask was enough of a precaution.
The Perfect Poem
Due to the sheer amount of connections made on dating apps, it can be really important to be creative with the opening messages you send to people you’re interested in. Some people even come up with poems, although they may be inappropriate.
We love that instead of ignoring him or reacting with anger, she played the same game. It takes wit and skill to respond in such a way. We think she’s perfect, too. Gregory doesn’t even stand a chance.
Wife Gets Revenge
The problem with using the internet and dating apps to cheat is that you leave a very visible trail. Not that we are condoning cheating, but those who do it on apps like Tinder must recognize the risk in what they’re doing.
We have a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t write this himself. It sounds like he’s definitely foolish and deserves that trip to divorce court. At least writing this may have given his wife a little bit of satisfaction.
Someone Missed the Joke
There are certain songs that have become karaoke classics. They are those songs that, should they come on the radio, you cringe and change the channel — but when heard in a bar after a couple of drinks, you belt the lyrics with the rest of the crowd.
It seems that this guy hasn’t gone to a lot of karaoke places, or more likely, he lives under a rock. It’s hard to imagine that there are people in the world who don’t recognize the lyrics to “Don’t Stop Believin'”.
Didn’t Understand the Assignment
Bumble, one of the many dating apps out there today, is known for being a bit different in that women make the first move. It gives the ladies a little more control over their interactions on the app and motivates them to get creative.
This poor gal just tried to ask an interesting question as a way to start the conversation and got way more than she bargained for from Alex. He took it as an opportunity to brag about his supposed experiences rather than actually answering the question.
The Flavor of Youth
Age is a big factor in choosing a partner. We usually want someone within a few years of us, as the bigger the age gap, the more challenging it’ll be. But, some guys only like younger ladies.
What kind of man sees women as having an expiration date? He’s going to be one of the men in his 60s still determined to date women half his age, which is very slimy. We hope she blocked him after this interaction.
Garfield Loves Lasagna
After you scroll through a certain amount of dating profiles, they all start to blur together. So, it’s great when people make an effort to produce something creative or funny to catch people’s attention and stop them from swiping left.
This guy took it a little too far, as eating lasagna off of someone’s chest is 100% weird. You can’t look for something that weird in a girl, yet ask for no weirdos. Something just doesn’t add up there, Mark.
Don’t Want No Scrubs
TLC “don’t want no scrubs,” and neither do girls on Bumble. A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly, but he also mooches off of those around him. This girl thought she was getting a date but was instead asked to be a last-minute free Uber driver.
In no world is this acceptable — asking someone to drive five hours for you when they don’t even know you. It’s made worse by him trying to guilt trip her and imply she isn’t a spontaneous person.
Took the Joke Too Far
Most of us are tired of making small talk with others, especially with someone we’re interested in. Asking about jobs and hobbies is boring and tedious. So instead, people come up with creative questions to spark new conversations.
Andy was doing so well here. Why did he have to ruin it? He did recognize that he took the joke too far, but it was too late at that point. Next time, he’ll be smarter about not ruining what could have been a good thing.
What Exactly Is Happening?
We aren’t sure when people started writing things like *shrug* in messages to indicate physical actions, but every single time, it’s unnecessary and cringy. Yes, messaging lacks the physical side of communication, but writing it out just doesn’t work.
How did he want her to respond within this exchange? How does one respond to a pretend stutter, hello in Japanese (for some reason), and then whatever that mess is afterwards? No wonder she was confused.
Looking for Pokémon
Online dating is exhausting — and after so many cringy, boring, or gross interactions, some people simply give up on the prospect of finding what they’re looking for on platforms like Tinder and Bumble. But, it doesn’t mean they can’t continue to have fun with it.
At least he got right to the point, and he asked her what she was looking for in a respectful, direct way. Someone probably needs to tell her she’s opened up the wrong app, though. Pokémon Go is what she’s looking for.
The Best Type of Eggs
Eggs are a classic breakfast food. They’re nutritious, they’re versatile, and there are so many ways to prepare them. So, when this guy opened with a cute breakfast question, he probably wasn’t expecting the response he got.
Her answer is pretty funny, but it also took a cute question in a very awkward direction. She’s probably just so used to inappropriate messages that she automatically took it to a place he hadn’t.
He Almost Had It
You can only learn so much about a person from a messaging conversation. It’s easy to pretend to be funnier or more outgoing than you really are, because you have plenty of time to think out responses. So, video chats are a natural next step in the online dating world.
He obviously was interesting enough for her to agree to a video chat with him, but then he had to make it gross, and his follow-up messages just made it even more awkward. It’s safe to say that she shut it down right away.
Best a Man Can Get
Pick-up lines are a weird phenomenon in that they’re super common yet they hardly ever work. At best, they provoke an awkward laugh — and at worst, they cause the receiver to cringe away in horror.
It’s nice that Adam appreciated her response, but it’s also sad that he’s obviously used this cheesy line on more than one person. Step up your game if you want results, Adam. The girls you reach out to deserve more effort than that.
Proud Fur Baby Daddy
More and more people these days are choosing not to have children. There are a lot of different reasons one may make that decision, and one such reason is that some people simply prefer animals to humans. These people often refer to their pets as their “fur babies.”
His message wouldn’t have been that bad if he didn’t include the creepy bit about kissing her cheek. Maybe he’s from a place where that’s how people greet each other, but it comes across really weird when written out in a message.
Down in the Woods
Since life has shifted more and more towards cities and suburban areas, the popularity of going camping has slowly risen. More and more people use it as a way to reconnect with nature and spend time away from artificial lights and air pollution.
Why must the guys make things weird every single time? Instead of having a nice conversation about camping, she’s now rolling her eyes and fully cringing.
Way Too Picky
We all know picky people. Some refuse to eat most foods, or wear certain clothes — and then there are those who find every little thing wrong with a potential partner. Our 25-year-old friend here falls into the latter category.
Where do we even start with this one? Not only is he controlling about how his partner should look, but also about their personality! He could be the hottest person on Earth (which is doubtful) and he still has no right to make these demands.
Neither and Also Not You
We’re all for starting the conversation with a unique opening line. However, there’s a reason that certain pickup lines are so unusual — because they shouldn’t be used at all. Even a boring old, “Hey, what’s up?” would’ve been better than this!
There’s something to be said for an overused, conventional way of starting a conversation. When trying to think outside the box, always remember to ask yourself if maybe the box isn’t so bad after all.
No One Asked
Some people have such overblown egos that they’re convinced everyone wants to be with them. That thought process will often lead such a person to reject someone who never even asked them out in the first place!
That’s exactly what happened here when this individual’s opening line was to turn down the OP — who hadn’t messaged them at all. Our favorite part is that this guy then tried to hit on the OP anyway. Maybe this was his way of getting the OP to desire what they can’t have?
Answering a Question With a Question
This guy couldn’t even be bothered to answer the OP’s question! Nope, he wanted to cut right to the chase and get his question answered first. Clearly, he felt that his inquiry was more important and couldn’t possibly wait.
Ironically, if the OP wasn’t looking for anything serious, this guy may have gotten the answer he wanted if he’d just had some polite conversation first. Now, he’s going to be stuck with just his hockey stick to keep him company.
What’s the Goal Here?
We’re very confused as to what Bret’s trying to achieve with this dating profile. Does he want a sugar daddy or does he want subscribers for his YouTube channel? Or perhaps he’s searching for a sugar daddy who’ll buy him subscribers for his channel?
Also, what’s with the name dropping? If people care so much about Nikita, they’ll just subscribe to her channel. Sorry, Bret — but you need to work on your marketing skills and decide on a clear message!
Save it for Your Diary
We’re very happy for this guy that he had such a great time but that’s really not something you share with someone on a dating app. Would he like to hear all about the OP’s amazing experiences with other men?
Furthermore, we don’t actually believe that his story happened. We admit that it’s possible he’s telling the truth. However, it’s a lot more probable that he’s just trying to make himself sound desirable by pretending he’s wanted by tons of women.
It seems like texting has just gotten lazier and lazier over the years. There was once a time when people would message each other thought-out and grammatically-correct sentences. Then, we kind of all gave up on the grammar and went for partial sentences that were to the point.
Somewhere in there, emojis replaced expressing one’s emotions. Now, apparently, it’s socially acceptable to request intimacy with two emojis and a question mark. How much thought do you think went into that message?
This guy seems to think that liking someone’s photos can replace an actual conversation. He even blatantly ignored the OP’s question just so he could ask his own instead! He didn’t even propose it as a question, really.
He just stated what he wanted and arrogantly assumed that the OP would want the same. After all, he did like her pictures! We think it’s safe to say that chivalry is dead with this one.
This person seems to have confused dating apps with career counseling. For some reason, he thinks that the OP is interested in hearing his career advice and judgments.
Luckily for those who turn to dating apps for career help (so, no one), this guy has plenty of pretentious and obnoxious advice to give. We bet the OP just couldn’t wait to go on a date with this dude to hear more of his conspiracy theories!
We’re all for being open and honest with a prospective partner. After all, you can’t base a relationship on lies. That being said, there’s such a thing as too much openness and honesty.
Perhaps this particular piece of information was something that he could’ve let the OP find out on her own — if she chose to do so. We appreciate this guy being realistic about what he’s working with but maybe it doesn’t need to be his opening line.
Bringing Negging Back
This is a classic example of negging. For those who don’t know what that is, UrbanDictionary.com defines negging as, “Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances.”
Negging is often disguised as a compliment, so the guy still appears to be nice. It was a really popular pickup method in the earlier 2000s but we’ve since evolved as a society. Or, so we thought.
Call the Cops
We feel that this message requires a lot more context. Does he mean that he saw her profile on the app yesterday? That’s fine. Do they know each other in real life and he’s laughing at the fact that they’re now matched on the app? That’s also okay.
Or is he camped outside her house with a bucket of popcorn, watching her every move? Yeah, if that’s the case, she needs to call the cops. This is why context is so important — especially when it comes to first messages.
We’re not trying to shame anyone for not being geniuses or anything but this is really crossing a line. This guy’s never heard of Australia?! If he’s old enough to be on a dating app, then he’s old enough to have gone through some basic schooling.
We’re not even asking him to point to Australia on a map (something that not everyone can do) — we just want him to know that they speak English there. Really, the bar couldn’t be any lower.
We Wonder Why
It’s not exactly surprising that this guy’s engagement didn’t last — we’re just happy for his fiancée that she ended things before the wedding. We wonder how many women he posed this question to and if any of them actually said yes.
Well, it looks like this man’s going back out into the dating world, making the current pool of eligible bachelors all that less desirable. Is it too late to just become a cat lady?
That’s How Horror Movies Start
We appreciate this guy’s love for adventure and spontaneity but does he really think that a woman who doesn’t know him is about to get in his car for a “long” drive? Of all the activities he could’ve offered, that’s what he chose to go with?
Where does that drive even lead to?! The woods, where there’s a cult of Chads waiting? Yeah, no thanks. We’ve seen enough horror movies to know how those types of car rides end.
How to Calm Down a Stray
Oh wow, let’s list the problems here one by one, shall we? First, this guy announced to poor Maddie that he was coming to her house, he didn’t actually ask.
Then, he got angry and insulted the person he messaged as if it was their fault that he had the wrong number. Lastly, he immediately relaxed once he realized he was talking to a man. Well, at least we now know how to calm down a stray.
Accept the Red Flags
Actual, physical red flags are used in many different situations to indicate that some sort of danger is present. So, it isn’t surprising that “red flag” has been adopted to describe a person’s traits that are cause for concern.
The fact that he got mad at the OP for not responding on Thanksgiving, and then proceeded to send her a whole weird rant means that she absolutely dodged a bullet. Ironically, his red flag rant is a major red flag!
The Perfect Woman
It’s good to think about what we do and don’t want in a partner. Knowing what qualities we value and which ones turn us off is really important for filtering out people who don’t fit the bill.
It’s a bit hypocritical that the girl must respond quickly, yet he can reply whenever he wants to. We also wonder what he’s going to do exactly when she needs to take her makeup off. Will he refuse to look at her?
Begging to Get Fired
It’s really important in many industries not to mix your work and personal lives. You have to maintain a degree of professionalism in order to avoid giving your company a bad image. Chris seems to have forgotten that.
If this makes its way to his boss — which is very likely thanks to the internet — there’s no way Chris will still have a job. We also doubt anyone wants to hook up in the back of a garbage truck.
Some Fun Deal-Breakers
Most people have deal-breakers when it comes to their future partners and who they choose to spend their lives with. A common example is one partner wanting kids, while the other doesn’t.
This guy’s list of deal-breakers is longer than his personal bio! And they’re such petty, silly things too. He sounds like the kind of guy who will look for any minor excuse to break things off with a girl. Steer clear, ladies.
Solomon Never Met You
Sometimes, people use dating apps like Tinder to create fake profiles. In some cases, it’s catfishing — but in others, they simply do it to amuse themselves and the people they interact with. This is a great example.
We bet Gale didn’t expect to find the Messiah while casually swiping one day, yet that’s exactly what happened. It’s cool to see that he has gotten with the times and is putting himself out there. Everyone deserves love!
We can love our friends and family, and we can also recognize that said people do some really silly things that make us scratch our heads. From your roommate washing her feet in the toilet to your 20-year-old brother calling 911 when the power went out, we’ve compiled a list of tweets shared by people that witnessed some of the most shocking occurrences, or even did the shocking things themselves!